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November 06 woooo finally an update :)21 days till my birthdays, many things happened.erm how do i say... i guess lets start from the last day of school where i receive my result slip. As usual 30% part of me regret for not really giving my all studying for the exams... the grade i get were as listed. english - 63 [4] (._.) thats all... what im shocked when i've gotten backed my result is.. that my CME gotten a big fat C [T_T]. i've always bring my work why did so many ppl gotten C? but oh well what pass is past. and for the next event is when i had my overnight stay at my cousin's house. i couldnt slept a wink what seems like a few hours passes by like a few min, and right after the nap then i relized that the rest of my relative is coming though the part that i like about the stay was when we ate stemboat, play hide and seek with yuka (although i know im already not a kid, but it was fun XD), and to be able to read my cousin's collection of manga :D any i guess thats all for now the holidays passed by with me watching anime everyday as usual... my craving for anime and manga never end i guess... till my next post sayonara~~~ ._.
September 23 i wonder....today one thing hit me during art lesson... why is reality weighing down my passion for art? some of my classmates drew very well and for me, to be able to see the process of an artwork is what makes the glitter of my eyes. i know that my art are pretty average and if i were to compare with my friend, i would feel miserable. However, the one i'm competing with, is myself... the joy to be able to complete an art of mine is wat makes me truely happy. Although for me watching anime brings out the most emotion in me, but art is another thing. It just give me a feeling that cant be explained. however, slowly by slowly the glass in my heart would shatter, it makes me feel that the kind of pictures im drawing looks like primary school student work compared to my schoolmates, but i know that isnt true. A human always admires one who can do better then him/her. i guess im the same too, the reason why im even posting this post is.... i really wonder if my passion for art only till this level? why isit that do i feel like giving up? am i afraid to see whats ahead of me? and am i afraid of failing art? or do i hate art myself? question like this always fills my mind but i know the answer deep down my heart is "NO". So... why do i feel this way? someone please help me (;_;) September 21 lanturn festival 'n' bienalle'08i wanted to post the pictures i've take in this post but i realize that there were as much as 42 photos :O so i'll put it in an album :) anyway i really enjoyed the bienalle [art exibition] held at city hall area. where all sort of artist from different countries art work are displayed there :D August 25 jus posting up common test result :(T.T even though i kind of expected the result to be like this but i did work hard >_<...
maths: 18/50 (;_;)
physics: 24/25 (^_^)
chemistry: 18/25 (*_*)
chinese: 53/100 (._.)
social studies: 15/25 (._.)
english: 28/50 (._.)
expression:
(;_;) => sad (._.) => content (*_*) => happy (^_^) => super happy August 20 ........i dont know what to say...i've gotten some of my common test result i dont wanna post it up first until i collected all of the result for my common test. but as expected i failed my maths... i've already expected this though. i really did studied so why isit that he say that i did not work hard enough and had spend time in meaningless things. it hurts you know. who on earth wishes to fail? can anyone tell me? for me this failing is a route for me to be better but... why isit that deep down my heart although i know myself is being hurt by the things he said. im really sad... i really did practice and ask questions... so why? why isit that practices seems much more easier them the real thing? WHY!!!!! i really wanna pour it all out on him but i just cant stand it when he nag on me on this subject!!!... August 15 common test 2 >_<the past few days of common test went pretty bad T_T first for english i know our class clock had stop yet i saw one of the uncle changing it during the test so i thought that it would be working again, so after finishing the test i looked at the clock there was still 20 mins so i decided to take a nap without checking my paper >_< however after i woke up the clock still stayed at the position and was not moving... thats when i realize that the clock is still stop T_T just when i was about to check the paper the teacher started collecting and since i was sitting behind the first table to be collected my paper was immediately collected without checking >.> how unlucky can i get :X well as if that wasnt enough, for the maths test i practice until quite late and when the math common testpaper was given i was thinking the first question seems easy maybe the other question were the same too... how ever how wrong am i T_T i realize that i cant do the rest of the question it was all too hard !! oh well there goes my hard work T_T anyway for yesterday for social studies the souce based question was quite difficult >_< i mix up the meaning of deterrence and diplomacy T_T and as for the essay question i think it was pretty ok as i was able to do the explainations etc. i just only hope that i could pass all my test [well as if that could happen with all this things happening] everyone keep saying how i would pass my test well... but i really dont thing so seeing how things turns out, why cant they understand that even for me failing is inevitable. Its not as if i have never failed before in my life, sometimes failing for me is a step towards getting to greater result so i dont see why cant they think it like this. Although i know that different people things for different perspective views, thats why sometime misunderstanding happens. oh well for now i just hope that my physics,chemistry and chinese test would all at least go smoothly...
August 04 jus updating things that happen the last week30 july'08
tried walking to home from school since remedial was cancelled, which was like 4 mrt stations away... gave up when i walk to lakeside cause it took me 45 min :O and my legs are tired >_< anyway drawn this on the board while waiting for the teacher to come which later told us that remedial was cancelled ._.
02 august'08
03 august'08 July 24 ITE trip day 2 last day :Dyay the last day of the ITE trip it was like boring a-g-a-i-n anyway today i learn about robots blablabla. I totally had no interest in it Z.Z it makes me wanna fall asleep anyway here are the photos taken XD im inside one of the pictures but thats only the backview :D
the girl that use my handphone to take her picture was jing xuan a friend of mine :)
July 23 ITE trip.... day 1today our class went to ITE bukit batok... my first impression was, its quite old and compared to ITE clementi its really a huge difference. To me i thought that all ITE was good since when i first went to ITE clementi the pupils there and teachers there were quite kind, but when i reach the one at bukit batok im quite shock. i don mean to offend anyone but i really hate smoking and there was lots of student smoking which really polluted the air i was breathing :X anyway the presentation was super long that makes me wanna fall asleep and in fact, i actually did fall asleep ._. and then there was the tour which i didnt quite enjoy it... don wanna say why but basically thats how i feel. we have lots of tea breaks and i was really urgent to go to the washroom h-o-w-e-v-e-r the toilet cant locked and there are spider webs + its filled with the smell of smoke X.X anyway we end the day with project work which is like sorta hands-on work, our first task was to programme the machine and engrave a design to the acrylic given to us, which was actually, quite easy. Next, we learn stuff like pnuematic i think and stuff like compressed air etc. we played which something which i forgotten but basically we are told to play with the compressed air and those who sucessfully completed 10 exercise was given a note book. but too bad i've only gotten a pen which makes me feel abit unfair since other groups ask for help in exercise 10 and when we ask... the lecturer jus told us to dismental the parts and gave us a pen since we did not "successfully" completed it. At the end of the day, the overall journey i would say is quite boring and sucky cause nothing was interesting... anyway i never intended to go to ITE unless im a the wits of the end, cause i would prefer poly to ITE instead :P July 22 why cant i....sometimes im really sad and mad of myself... why must i be soft hearted? when he has no food i felt guilty and gave him mine... but why cant he help me in such a little task? he need money i lend him, he need food i give him mine, he used bribe me to do his homework i did, so why isit that hard for him to lend me his thing or help me in his task? i think i failed as a sister... i really cant get away the feeling of guilt when i get something and when he doesnt. why does it seem so hard for him to understand me? even when i tell him my true feelings, what did he do? treat it as if its a joke and continue his life like nothing happen... im really sad... can someone help me to get to know him more? why isit that at times like this do i wish for myself to have no emotions? anyway why isit that simple task cant be done by my mother when she did it before? this sux... really sux.... i hate all this.....:'(
currently sort of crying while writing this post... im too pathetic that doesnt need to be sympathesis...... July 06 ending of the week of elective moduelfinally the week of elective moduel [em] end with us recording music in the studio... i pick music producer as my e.m. it was tough when the week starts, we learn how to use the program that is needed to create our own music plus we need to create our own lyrics within a time limit. but fortunately since i team up with shili all this breeze pass peacefully :) although i wanted to sing jap song, oh well korean song arent that bad afterall :) i also learn that commercial music are called jingles and i also know that all this knowleage i learn can be put to used if i plan to work in the music industry in the future. but oh well i have no such plan XD anyway here are some pictures taken in the studio. [not edited] i want it to remain original ^^ but but but im not included in any of the pictures XD and its blur since everyone is moving lol
btw majority of the music producer group is boys, there are only 4 girls including me XD June 27 i dont no things anymore.....i dono things anymore... friends that are close to me... why isit that the more i know them the more im pissed off with him... i thought he was a good friend but then he ended up jus like anyone... i love my brother s why do he have to say sacarstic things to me about him? and whats me he said it was jus a joke... does anyone knows i treat jokes quite seriously? i hate ppl that do those mean things and said it was all jus a joke. seriously i don wanna end this friendship but he jus prove his worth. i also put in my effort to help him in his studies so why do he have to say such things about my brother?
jk A.K.A joon kiat if u somehow stumble upon this post which is highly impossible, i've said what said everything is on U now.
P.S if u think im very petty so be it... although i aleady controlled my emotions well but this is my brother we are talking about... i treat him really dearly...
June 25 school starts...a new semester starts... lots of changes including time table but still its boring....
a change in the following subjects teachers:
-english
-chinese
-civil moral education (co-form teacher)
-physical education
-social studies T_T i will miss my previous teacher...
June 21 wedding!!!was quite tired today woke up quite early since i cant sleep >_< school is reopening soon.. jus in 1 day :X anyway today is my cousin's wedding. everything is like the usual wedding but at least i spend quite an enjoyable time with my cousins that i rarely speak to... anyway hope more of this day would come in the future :)
p.s its my cousin candy's wedding ^^ June 01 wat a waste of time...a few days ago went to work part time by going door to doors selling ice cream, return home 12+ but yet the salary was super low since my sale is low. during the job i realise that some things cant be fix. although sing wei and i are friends and the ppl i work with are my ex-classmates, it just makes me felt how left out i am. i even left them and went home alone just because of that... some ppl might say that i'm really stupid for doing this but wat can i do? i don wanna bind them to me, they have their own friends too... sure it might be lonely but theres nothing that can be done. its all my fault that this happens... and im really useless for getting depress for something like that. friends are something that come and goes in our live... some month ago i saw my primary school classmate, amanda, but i nv called or speak to her even though she was jus beside me. it jus doesnt seems right to interupt the conversation between her and her friend because of me. thats why i leave it as it is... but still this kind of friendship thing is kinda.... painful.... even though i told my self nv let myself trust other but i just cant it just make the suffering more worst. if only i don show all this emotion on my face, and only leave it in the heart... maybe this way its more relaxing since no one can guess wat im thinking...
everyone is growing and being matured... wat about me? this is kinda scary.... May 25 mid-yr exam result...just posting my mid-yr exam results...
subject/grades:
english : 4
chinese : 5
maths : 2
science (physics/chemistry) : 1
combined humanities (history, social studies) : 1
art : 5
grades are based on: [1]- 100~75 [2]- 74~70 [3]- 69~65 [4]- 64~60 [5]- 59~50 [U]- 49~0
class position : 1/40
level position : 5/151 May 23 後悔をしてもしきれず…how do i say... i have no idea what i should feel now... should i feel happy or should i feel sad. im really wish i could aplogize to her its my fault that shes being compared... all i wish now is to apologize to her and wish she could forgive me... sorry and ごめなさい... :'( May 13 exam @.@tomorrow last paper!! im dead ._. jus hope that i can at least pass my exams... even though i did study i still think that the paper is hard >.< plus my maths... i will sure flunk :X i study sec 3 topics instead of sec 1 & 2 T.T and mostly sec 1 & 2 came out >.<... wish me good luck ...
April 30 promise...it was a promise i make for myself... promise not to be affected by how ppl look at me, say about me or anything. but why? why do they have to treat my pure intention into helping them with their work a bad action? i don have any other motive for goodness sake!! all i wanted was to help them if its within my capability so why!! am i really "action"? what is "action" define it !! damn it... just because i don speak in colorful language doesnt mean that i dono! thats why even if u talk bad behind my backs or did something at me i jus smile and laugh it away... even when i lend u people things and u didn return, i didn say any thing... i even share sweets with u when i have it... so why am i being used and being talk behind the back? why am i even sheding tears for people like u... u don worth it!!! am i "action"? jus because i know more things, does that means i'm action? if i ask teacher question, does that means that i'm action too? if its so i cant help it!! i study too and i ask question when im in doubt! who doesnt wish to clear their doubts? retards i have my limit of patience too. and wat about me acting cute? isit because the way i speak or isit my actions? well i cant help it if u wish i'll talk in a monotone voice and i'll ignore u people have question. i cant help it if i speak like that... everyone have a style of talking arent u guys too? why cant u think it this way... so why...?
なんで。。？ April 26 lucky and happy perhaps?im so happy that i didn fail and of my test :O although i jus pass by half a mark for my physic test, oh well it still pass ^^and as for chinese i pass by 4 marks XD anyway im happy for my bro since his opening his own private server, though is quite troublesome he still manage and for those who want to support him go here ^^ and exam is coming in a week and im dead :X
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